Do you think there is a club ettiquette or unwritten rules with the goth scene? Do you find it varies from place to place, or that some things are the same where ever you go? Are there things you think you should consider when visiting certain clubs and scenes? Are there ever any problems in your scene that you're unsure of how to handle?

I thought I'd open a topic to discuss such things, and also where people could ask for the opinion of others regarding certain behaviours/customs/situations etc. I think some rules are pretty common-sense grounded are aren't too difficult to figure out, but I also think some can vary in different places (like smoking...irrelevant in the UK scene, as smoking is now banned in indoor public places, but still an issue in some US scenes). I'm relatively new to the club scene myself, and I think I'm fairly comfortable at my own local club, but I wouldn't know if the same sort of etiquette would be expected elsewhere, for example.

For instance, I'd like to know what one should do when recieving unwanted attention from a club patron. I think my local scene, albiet very friendly and cheery, can sometimes be a bit of a meat market (I've noticed I've attracted a lot of male attention in the past...I won't lie, it was very flattering, but I am engaged ^^;; ). Most of the attention is not so negative now- I speak to these guys, they know I'm not available, they'll give me a peck on the cheek but they don't expect anything more and are happy to just chat with me and be a friend. But there's one guy in particular who is not getting the hint and has started to make me feel almost nervous in his presence. I've been very friendly toward him in the past, but now I feel I will have to be much more distant- and will probably appear cold in doing so- because being friendly seems to encourage him. Being as I don't drink heavily (in fact, I remained completely sober on the last gathering), I know that my getting drunk and then acting inappropriately is not the issue. He knows I'm engaged, but still touches my waist intimately, and last month, actually grabbed me from behind and began to make "doggy style" movements. I'm not that sort of girl, and frankly, being grabbed from behind startled me . What would one suggest in this sort of situation?

So yes, I thought that might be a good idea for a topic I myself think I have pretty good tips for dealing with "chav intruders" if anyone has concerns of that sort...I'm very used to chavs and townies, mainly because I work in an area with lots of them, and I'm just confident with handling them now, something I know some goths are not confident with.

I wouldn't let anyone get that friendly with me even if I were single. The guy's actions sound extremely predatory so I'd be very careful and don't be caught alone with him! I have a natural 'slag off' attitude when it comes to unwanted suitors. I can be very friendly with the gay bois because at least you know there's no danger there. Plus they're very sweet.

I'm not sure about unwritten rules, but it's pretty much a given that if you need a smoke or a light most of the people on the floor will be happy to share. Some guys will even literally give you the shirt off their back if you need it.

Don't wear huge skirts or wings on a super crowded night(Vampire Ball or Hallowe'en events, especially!) And watch out for your horns! Don't wear super long nails with botttoms that are hard to get off in a hurry! You never know when you have to pee and it's better to be able to whip your bottoms off than risk peeing down your leg if you can't get them off. Don't holdd your drink while dancing you might spill it and unless you tip well you'll be getting a watery drink for an outrageous price.

It's late and that's all I can think of ATM!

Also~ If someone is nice enough to compliment you be nice and feel extremely grateful!

It is the law to buy me drinks

A few good rules/tips:

*Don't bring your drink out onto the dancefloor. We stompy dancers don't like splashing in your spillage.

*Only take your lit cigarette out on the floor if it is not crowded. I have had many outfits singed by a-holes who ignore this rule.

*If a group has laid clam to a booth/table early in the night it is not cool to squat at their table when they all get up to go dance.

*Tip your bartender generously. Not really a rule, but if you don't want watered down drinks, and if you plan to be a regular, make nice with the staff.

As for the grabby guy, Blackavar, fuck him. Making "doggy" motions towards you shows that he has absolutely no respect for you at all and thus he has no right to your friendship. I wouldn't worry about "seeming cold" with that one. Either avoid him completely or directly tell him to leave you the hell alone.

~spidey

..... and don't hit me

This is location-dependant (or at least is in non-Goth circles) as many countries don't have a tradition of tipping.

On the other hand, in my experience, if a large group of tipping-sorts go into a bar in a non-tipping country, they would often get very good service (sometimes, anyway; other times we just confused the bartenders and waitresses). When I'd go out with groups of Sailors in non-tipping areas, the bartenders were often very, very nice to us. Granted, between the fact that we were unfamiliar with the money and therefore had a hard time seeing it as 'real', the fact that we were generally pretty drunk, and the fact that we're from a tipping culture, we were way way way overpaying for our drinks, but we got a good time and preferential treatment out of it, so hey.

Dont stick your crotch out when a girl is squeezing by you.
Don't put your hand on a girls hips to move her out of the way.
Don't snigger at other people's dancing.
Don't take a drink off someone without at least spending some time talking to them- it's rude to just walk away- don't take the drink if you are not interested in at leats being freindly.
Don't talk to a girl and then just bugger off as soon as she says she has a boyfriend.
Don't lead guys on- it's mean and a wee bit risky.

And my number one rule for myself : always make the effort, no matter how tired I am.

I'll post warnings in case I ever go near a club. Then, anyone's perfectly justified in sniggering.

It all sounds so damned complex... Thank goodness there are no such clubs in Sheffield.

I dunno. Most of these seem to boil down to, "Don't be a dick."

Good point. Wood... Trees.

Thank you Wolfmammy and Spiderlimbs. I'm gonna just avoid the guy, and try not let him hug me (I'm sort of known as the "huggy" person there, so me refusing to give someone a hug should be a pretty good hint in it's own right). I get accused by some people (mainly girls) of leading other guys on but I don't flirt with them, I just chat and have conversations, and this leads some guys to think I'm interested because I'm friendly. Like I said, most of the guys know better now, and they ask me how Harry is etc and don't try anything funny. I only flirt with one boy...I don't think he's gay, but he acts like it, and he goes around and kisses and hugs EVERYONE, so there's nothing in it. He's a bit touch-feely, but he also knows where the limit is, so he won't do anything you're not comfortable with, so I like him for that, he seems to respect people's feelings and likes to make people feel good about themselves.

I'll just avoid the creep for now, but I'll tell him to leave me alone directly if he approaches me again.

I also have to say that, if you go to a goth event in a country foreign to your own, you should also at least study the culture.
The goth scenes in each country to tend to be quite a bit more liberal than the social norms, it's true, but one should at least study the basic differences in etiquette.

For example, in Europe it's quite acceptable and even courteous to kiss a woman on the cheek upon first meeting, but in Japan, it can be quite uncomfortable and even rudely invasive to the lady, especially if it's someone you've just met and her boyfriend is near. It's OK for some people, but you should at least know them first.

Oh yes, and Japanese people HATE close-talkers..... Actually, so do I. It makes people feel uncomfortable, especially if you're a member of the opposite sex, it makes you seem like a predator.
Not to mention no-one wants to smell your stinky cigarette/beer breath when having a conversation!!!

Oh yeah, and believe me.... I've had to ream someone out for this before..... DO NOT approach the organizer and ask him how much he paid to rent the place!!!! Especially if you're a newcomer and don't know anyone!!!! Jesus friggin Christ!!!

Doesn't sound complex as much as it does common sense. I'm not by any means a clubber (ever, even when I was younger) but I've known enough that were to know the common sense rules.

Another one that should be common sense - don't take a drink from anyone unless you know them or (better yet) it's straight from the bartender. Maybe that's just the inner-city me that doesn't trust people, as I've been taught that I shouldn't trust people in bars/clubs/etc., but it is SO easy for someone to slip something in your drink without you ever knowing. Just have to be careful.

I have a question (sorry, just a tad off topic - just a yes or no question though). In people's experience, are goth clubs pretty much like other clubs (specifically, in terms of flashing lights)?. I'm always iffy on going to clubs anyway because of the flashing lights (since I'm epileptic). I really want to go to a goth club one day but if it's all about the flashing lights (in addition to the "boom-boom-boom" music) I won't only not have fun, but I'll become an utterly cranky little bitch, lol. And I'm sure "don't be a cranky little bitch" is in one of the unwritten rules somewhere!

Donutte

The flashing lights vary from club to club and even DJ to DJ (if they bring thier own). Industrial sets seem to have more flashing lights and in my experience those portable DJ set ups tend to have lights attached.

Skinny Puppy gigs tend to really get into strobe.....

I really love strobe actually, it gives off that "everything moving in slow motion" effect, but thankfully I'm not an epileptic like my mother and sister are.

As for slipping things into drinks, I'm actually kinda happy this country is so drug-free, and no one really has to worry about such things. There's a zero tolerance rule for that sort of thing, and anyone even attempting such a thing would suffer some definite jail time, as well as immediate excommunication and banning from every goth gig nationwide.