To begin, I'd like to say that I am quite new to the subculture. Well I have always been "Gothic" (dark) in nature but never really part of the subculture...when i became a teenager I flirted with what I thought i knew of goth...(evanescence...and that kind of thing)but even before this, i always liked to wear black and read/watch Gothic/horror novels and films...its always been me..What I didn't know was that the actual subculture had music that not only "fit" me but was always what i was searching for musically...
I am very much a baby-bat, and proud of it, but i have slowly been adding more goth things into my style, and I love it....I enjoy the music now so much, I can now say that I musically lean toward original Goth rock...lots of bat-cave and darkwave , still even though I know and love so much I know that theres more and am excited to learn more..I also love especially DIY-ing my own clothes....I began to seriously want to become part of the subculture and began look into the subculture around april OF THIS YEAR ....but my family, a southern/creole family, isnt used to it, in the beggining i scared them so I slowed down, bought Jillian Venter's Book (and loved it btw) and i have my dad reading it...there getting used to it but from everyone else...I get either made fun of, laughed at, mocked, or just get uneasy vibes from.. and those "supportive" comfort themselves by believing it a phase.
to quote Lydia Deetz "I am utterly alone!" :p I am the only goth I know of in real life and I am not good at making friends.... but in reality I have a small sect of friends most of whom are supportive...but what hurts is the fact that my older friends dislike it so i end up avoiding the subject or dressing down...but my biggest problem is my family, I have always been the black sheep but they either deny that or ignore me...All i get from them is scolding or ridicule...I blame them for my self esteem issues, but whatever....For the first time I dress a way that makes me happy and i take pride in my appearence...they are unfamiliar with goth so it scares them...dont get me wrong I love them very much but it seems as i grow into an adult we are growing apart....I just began college and there I dont seem to get much respect because of how I dress, but i dont care.....i dont mean to sound like the cliche'd misunderstood teen...and I think Im too old for that btw....I have bouts of despair and consider giving up...and going along with whatever they want of me ya know.... its like im moving in a direction which makes me happy (goth) but it disturbs all those closest to me so im guilt ridden for being goth...something i shouldnt be...but like I said...being the only goth I know its hard...any advice from elders or anyone???? i dont mean for this to sound like bitchy complaining btw

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