It's been a tad slower and less active lately hasn't it?
I'm doing alright I guess. I'm still homeless, got alot of rooms I can look at, but the date keeps pushing further and further forcing me to wait longer and longer until I grow skeptical and worried. Well, been nearly 5 months, can't take much longer right? Posting this on school since I don't have internet.
Another thing that's been wandering my mind's a friend, well, person that I've been hoping to contact again. I've mentioned this before some months ago I think.
Those same months ago I was hoping to reignite a friendship. Nothing more, nothing less.
We were close I admit, she gave me the signs but I didn't know her that long back then. I was afraid that if I were to say yes, I'd risk changing my mind and breaking her heart. I suggested we'd give it some time to let it blossom but she ended up with someone else, and I was cool with that. I figured we could stay friends and hang out, I didn't mind that nor did I regret anything. I still don't, just hoping to be friends again so I tried to contact her.
Granted, I never got an answer back. So I was a bit down about that. Truth be told, I was more upset that my suggestion to hang out again was met with silence. If I were told no, I would've atleast been able to acknowledge it and accept it for what it is. However, the lack of a response convinced me there's nothing gonna happen, but it's torn me apart a little due to the fact that I had to make that assumption out of silence and without an answer. As if the time we spent as friends never mattered. We never fought or whatever, never had bad blood. If anything we got along really well until it just faded due to lack of contact. We both were constantly busy and I didn't wanna push her when I had time and she didn't, so I figured I'd give it a rest for a while back then, we stopped messaging eachother eventually.
Nowadays she broke up with him and fell in love with someone else. Again I don't mind, and like I mentioned before I don't regret my choices because I could've risked hurting her if I said otherwise. And quite frankly I didn't spend enough time with her to fall in love. So it's truly the friendship that I was hoping for.
Part of me thinks that it's not worth my attention because all my efforts felt like it meant nothing. But the other part of me brands me a heartless bastard for even thinking such a thing. So I don't know, really, I can't just ''stop'' being upset about it. I suppose it's a matter of pride, a grown man patiently awaiting an answer that's never gonna show up won't do me good, nor her. So all in all, I've accepted the situation for what it is and don't expect it to lighten up. I just have a hard time leaving it behind me emotionally. In time I guess, maybe when I get a place for myself so I can do things my way, and find myself with more freedom.
SapphireDreams WroteColonQr Bbpost
And this is where I think "fuck this, this is TOO depressing" and go and watch make up reviews on YouTube.
I think I get to a point where I can't take it anymore and have to think about something else or my mind would break underneath it all. I was watching TV the other day and someone was talking about the end of the universe, which sounds really scary, but heaven only knows what's really going to happen, billions of billions of years into the future, so I'm really not going to think about it.
Hey, atleast you'll learn something watching those reviews right? Be it useful or totally nonsense but enjoyable.
Lighthearted jokes aside, it's good to just let your mind wander from time to time. Spent some time just enjoying yourself so to speak. Hope you're doing well though!