she speaks

body filth spit

i've called you and cried
please let me kill you
eyes close in bliss
that sweet choking kiss
satisfied

lift your dress
over my head
throw your drugs
onto my bed

breathe you up
sniff you in
intravenous
sticking down sin

look at my hair
tell me i'm pretty

look at my mouth
tell me you're scared

whimper beneath me
like you did before
tell me to stop
cower onto the floor

knife yourself black
dried red intangible
needle prick track
missing my vein
eyes blur

love me inside your clothes
hold onto my arms
help me look down inside
then pull off a branch

fuck.

rob, seriously.

it never got to speechless cold sweat
but it was always real
the earth might not have moved for you
i swear i felt your fear

before this i knew how to smile
before him i was fine
hacked inside and out
drunk beyond doubt
this is where i draw the line

dragons first and now the rockstar
gently stride between the two
my heart was broken every time
been worn down
rained on
and now looks see-through

little green fuzzy man
supposed to comfort me
i tipped back his smile
to look inside
he whispered
"count to three"

he wanted me to do it
he wanted me to leave
he told me you weren't coming back
and tugged upon my sleeve
...then he smiled

i threw him down and hit my head
right across the room
she stood up proud
and screamed out loud
"it's not i who'll die, but you!"

i must be going crazy
i'm really loosing it
i can't sit still
i can't think straight
the candles burned but weren't lit

slowly i put down the knife
and walked towards the door
the handle seemed to move about
i kneeled upon the floor

scrambling across poster lips
and eyes that always see
hard to focus
stand up straight
this is what you did to me

the knife looked back
i began to cry
slowly she seduced me
wants me to bleed
feel once again thirteen
and set the trembling free

and sliced
slowly at first
enjoying the sting
the pain i could bring
from waterless thirst

no worse than before
i explained when you had touched me
black nails stained red
reached for the mirror
so once again i could see

the girl looked back
...she's beautiful
she looks calmer now
she cried a hopeless flood of tears
had gone past holding back her fears
and slowly slid back down

to the floor
where she remained
for several distant hours
skin shivered but no cold was felt
slight of breath upon silk flowers...

hollow

bled for my beloved
i was supposed to fall in love
and wake up next to him
dreamed softly warm
holding me

bled for my beloved
that sharp pulsating ache
throughout my heavy inclination
whenever his face appeared
in my eyes

death for my beloved
authorities neglected
deepest appreciation
soft intentions ruined
between our fingers

bled for my beloved
caress imaginary
involuntary virtue
patiently holding segmented
parts of me
after autumn

spineless

i will play
mothering them
let us pray
smothering them
queen bee

three ways I turn
lonely apron guilder
inside there swells a storm
build clay bricks to shield her

you've no idea
how much I miss them
my final indecision
made towards the brink

i will lie
and wait for them
overshadowed alcoholic
dread by drunken lust

i am the proud maternal unit
casting suspicion
it burns when I speak
the baby's cry deters me
knife-wielding hairspray-clad daytime drama.

doors

the rain bleached
brutal and sensory
walking together
i smile and watch you
as you complain about me

with its denim layers
we’re soaked all through
laughing and shivers
i ache to touch you
cautiously

smoking seems painless
the choking warmth a comfort
shaking my hair
finding shelter
at least from the winds

timetables screaming
my heart pounds lowly
we have to wait
and so retreat
to better shelter

but no warmth or dryness
so I reach out and pull you
close to me
then finally
you’re touching me

warm hands across my back
your breath upon my neck
wrapped the soaked denim
around me
you kissed me

my eyes were pleading
hearts bleeding
into one an other
coldly aroused
i wait

your glance pacing
my heart racing
i long to see you say it
we laugh some more
and get closer

fuck that, I declared
i just want sensation
your lips temptation
soothing heat
then at last

your arms envelope me
our lips embrace
someone’s hands are pulling me
right into you
i want them to

extinguish candlelight
you pulled me again
onto you
beside you
inside you

the hours that follow
you do as I ask
it feels euphoric
but I feel less close
yes, you’re slipping

the tears which follow
from both of us
apologies
i want you so
but you want me less

i cried for you
more than once
i told you this
she’s on your mind
and I’m excluded

mercilessly
you said i was fragile

untitled i

the peace
in sirens screaming

love the blood
despise the fool

silver bulbs
wires protruding

follow heaven
that beats us

pound the ground
soiled and lifeless

bite my lip
kiss my knuckles

slit my organ
love lies pulsing

throb of tradition
stretch and comfort

fuck you heartless
here’s my empty

drag me through it
i laugh and hold you

aqua screaming
sirens bleeding

curse the fool
love the lifeless

scrape my soil
rape my coffin

gothic nothing
point and laugh

my lips lie wholesome
curse the fool, love.

untitled ii

cleaned
freshly wiped and washed between
all lines erased left stress-free
shaking off the excess stroking her hips
looking into the mirror
feeling like a UV filter
brushing fingers through her hair
standing frontward bare
she looks again, tilts her head
throws the towel onto the bed
approaches the glass
lifting a hand
touching the cold, soothing the scold
kisses the air, rubbing her hair
with her fingers
and lets the coolness linger

routine
every six to eight hours
taking regular showers
between frantic washing of hands
scrapes the rest back with a headband
dousing her face in lotion and cream
her body with talc
the image returned
makes her want to scream
every day this routine
without it she'd die, she'd never go out
her skin left dull
no make-up at all?
without lipstick defining the trademark pout

whore
dresses that fit
all those smaller than she
the chest finally pressed
against costly fabric with lace
she embarks on the race
to win her first prize
she dreamt of his eyes
his lips and his hands, holding her tight
crushing under his fists...

nameless:

forest empty, devoid of sound
her heart lies bleeding
sadness sweeping, as clouds of winter
shadows fall, silence at last
she found peace within the tall, cold grass.

tiny red spots atop her fingers
pain like no other
when angels discover
fruitlessly weeping, the bridge overcast
the river flows softly
marking respect

piano voices had crept through her mind
calming the last moments
as she died on the inside
first came the tears,
a thousand or more
a feeling of hopelessness
blanketing

then flushed black cotton
between lacy black gloves
a black velvet gown, stained with the blood
whispers within, slowly forgotten
forever a child
of sixteen and two

growing ever so cold
and snowy exquisite
silently moving, his eyes dancing in torture
kneeling beside her
last breaths inside her
comfort was fading, as warmth was impaling
he kissed her goodbye and whispered
"i'm on my way, love"